i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
