your parents love me but you hate me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
