but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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