Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
