i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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