I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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