I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
