Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
