im drinking this country out of the recession.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
