new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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