Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize