; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
