Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize