no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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