I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
