I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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