Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
