One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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