I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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