there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
