Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize