im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
