All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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