Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
