yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
