I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
