i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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