I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
