foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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