We named our party play list daddy issues
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
