I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
