I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
