The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
