Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
