the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
