if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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