I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
