Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
