What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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