i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
