i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
