I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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