i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
