My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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