I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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