so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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