You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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