I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
