we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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