How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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