Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
