I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize