Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
