I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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