I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
