Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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