I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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