When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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