i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
