I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
