We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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