ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
