bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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