Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
