based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize