we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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