two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize