she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
