New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize