I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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