I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
