you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
