ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
