1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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