No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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