I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
