I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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