i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
