I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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