this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
