Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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