i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize