I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
