we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
