the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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