pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
