you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
