this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
