Dual....:-)
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
