Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
