he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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