My friends, they love my intelligence
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
