My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
