We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize