hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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