shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
