I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
