Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize