Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
