Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
