so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
