you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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