i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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