Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
