I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
