We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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