So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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