he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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