hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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