Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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