He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
