I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
